After a long hiatus, I've finally managed to find some time to set aside to once again sit behind my laptop and post an entry.
Over the past few months, I have learnt something valuable that I want to share with you all.
This post may not make sense to anyone but myself, but a personal experience can sometimes lead to lending others the courage and strength they need to stand and fight another day.
Please bear with me. There is a message in this post. A parallel I'm drawing between my experience and a fight many of you fight every single day.
Over Christmas, after many many frequent visits back and forth to my doctor's office, I was finally diagnosed with CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). Apparently my condition lies somewhere between mild to moderate CFS.
This isn't exactly news people like to hear and it has resulted in my life drastically changing and almost instantly, overnight.
This has once again, got me to thinking. And I'd like to share my thoughts with you.
CFS is a relatively unknown illness still. It's only now, slowly gaining recognition due to the many voices who are adding their voices to the crowds and the new discoveries doctors are making about this illness. But there is still a lot that needs to be learnt and a lot that is yet still unknown. There's still a certain amount of ignorance and disregard for this illness. To the point that it seems that only those who suffer, really understand what it is like.
Before I finally got my diagnosis, I spent months being poked by a needle more times than I'd care to remember and I shudder to think how much blood was taken to run tests on.
CFS isn't an illness that holds any physical symptoms. So the diagnosis isn't something that happens overnight. My GP is a wonderful man, who spent tireless hours working with me to try to find the answer to what was wrong with me. Not once did he tell me it was all in my head or roll his eyes at my continued visits. He threw himself into the fight for me, running test after test after test and finally, after having ruled out all the other possible options, there was only one answer left and I finally had my own answer.
It's astonishing how one diagnosis can change a person's life so dramatically. Where once I was a multi tasker, able to juggle my home life and work life with relative ease, I now struggle to manage even the basics and yet, I refuse to lay down and simply give up the fight.
I have been informed it won't be easy. I am aware of my limitations. I am fortunate to have an understanding boss who has helped me manage to find a balance where, on my worse days, I can work from home, taking the time to rest where I need it and on my better days, I can go back out to the office and into the field of my work.
Some days are worse than others, and some days, it's hard to not feel that hope slipping away from you. That hope that one day, things will turn around for the better and things will start to look up again.
Sometimes it seems with each one good day, you inevitably end up with three bad days. It's exhausting and draining and can be very discouraging.
And even during those days, I know I wouldn't have my answer if it wasn't for my doctor's efforts on my behalf. His voice and fight to stand by me and help me find my answers. I wouldn't be able to even manage what I can these days, if it wasn't for my boss' understanding of the illness and the support I gain there.
Which gets me to thinking.
In the war of the sexes, I frequently see men feeling drained and exhausted from the fight. Sometimes they even feel like giving up and bending to what society demands of them because they don't have the energy to fight anymore. They feel it doesn't matter how loud they yell or how hard they fight, it won't make any difference.
All I can do is hope that my experience will give renewed strength and hope that some fights are worth fighting.
With each passing day, more people are learning. More people are adding their own voices to the crowds and though the struggle may seem endless and at times you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, know that there are those who stand beside you and fight for what you fight. Who are willing to stand beside you and listen and hear what you have to say.
I know this might not make any sense, but if there's one thing I've learned over the past few months, when hope seems to be failing you and you feel like no one is listening, or that you're screaming to an empty room, know there's others beside you who haven't given up.
I'll apologise upfront for this non sensical piece. Sometimes, some things just need to be said, even if they make no sense to anyone but yourself.
I want to say one final thing to the men and even women out there that are willing to stand and fight for what's right. Don't give up. It may be frustrating. It may be hard and infuriating. It may make you want to kick and scream, but in the end, even if you lose battle after battle, the war is far from over.
Night all and keep fighting.
Sami
"Words like feminism or democracy scare me. They are words with barnacles on them, and you can't see what's underneath." ~William Collins~
