The Single Mum

There are many reasons why a woman may find herself in the situation of raising her children alone. She may be tragically widowed, or divorced. She may have made a mistake many years ago when she was still young and foolish, recklessly not thinking about the consequences of her actions. Or...she may be that way by choice.

I always find myself torn when it comes to the topic of single mumhood. On the one hand, I know that sometimes it isn't a situation these women would willingly place themselves in and yet they take the challenge and follow through as best they can. On the other hand, there are those women who I like to call the baby boom brigade, who willingly pop out babies and put themselves into a situation where they raise their children alone.

I'd be lying if I said this didn't annoy me. It is generally an accepted fact that a child needs two parents. A mother and a father. Each parent brings something valuable to the child's life, something that they will carry through their lives and will shape the person they become in the future. Of course, there are those women who believe they can be both a mother and a father to their child and, with all due respect, unless you grow a penis, you can't be a father.

In today's society where feminism had led women to believe they are indestructible and capable of anything, it is a sadly common fact that more and more women are choosing to raise a child alone and for no other reason than that they want to and they know they can.

These women above all else never cease to amaze me with their selfishness and complete disregard to the tiny life they rob of the valuable bond that only a father can give.

I also find myself somehow torn when it comes to women who made a mistake. Mistakes can happen and none of us are free from our baggage, though some weighs more than others. But it is the mindset that follows that makes me sometimes wonder. It is true that in some of these situations, the father isn't blameless. He may have made the choice to leave the child's life. It can happen. But, my question in these situations is always why these women can't admit to their own mistakes? It seems they are all to ready to shift the entire blame onto the father's shoulders. It is these children who will grow up hearing on a regular basis that their father was the scum of the earth.

Personally, I always believe their are two sides to a story and with the father absent, it is all too easy for the mother to swoop in for the kill and defame his character, not caring that your child is standing their listening and being force fed these words of hatred. But, perhaps even more importantly, in denying or forfeiting any wrong you have done yourself, what are you teaching your child? That it's ok to go through life always blaming others for your mistakes? That it's ok to never stand up and take responsibility for your own actions?

It baffles me.

I find when I raise my opinions or objections, the disgruntled mother in question will instantly leap on the defensive and ask me what gives me the right to make any judgement.

It's simple. What gives me the right is simple. I am a single mother. I am also a single mother who made mistakes. I hold my hands up and admit them and take responsibility for my actions that have led to me being a single mother before I've even turned 30. I don't stand here loud and proud and boast endlessly about how I am raising my child without any help from anyone. I'm extremely fortunate to have a job that pays enough that I am able to support myself and my child. But I'm not delusional in any way. I can't give my son everything he needs. I'm just his mother. I can't give him that fatherly guidance and support. I can only give him mine.

For women who willingly enter into this situation, choosing to be a single mother, I can only say one thing. Your delusion that you are all your child needs is beyond arrogant. If you are denying the father the right to his child then you are willingly and selfishly robbing your child of that natural bond that he or she needs to become a well rounded adult. I'll add the disclaimer that unless there are extreme circumstances where the father is an actual threat to the child, or if he has disappeared without a trace, quite literally MIA, then you really have no right to keep your child from bonding with his father.

I can only say that no matter how much you believe you are everything your child needs, at the end of the day, you can only be his or her mother. You can only do the best you can and hope with everything in you, that at the end of the day, this will be enough.

It saddens me to say that out of all the feminists in this world, the baby boom brigade are by far some of the worst offenders and yet they are also the ones raising the next generation. It's horrifying to think about.

"Words like feminism or democracy scare me. They are words with barnacles on them, and you can't see what's underneath." ~William Collins~