Women Take Back Slut

The internet is frequently crawling with information of all kinds on a vast range of different topics. Not only topics, but views and opinions ranging from all ends of the scale.

More recently one topic that has been very active is the topic of slutwalks. Different states and countries have been very active in their protests with women marching through the streets wearing "slut attire" and openly claiming they are "taking back the word slut" because they have "had enough".

This is a topic that strikes a very raw nerve with me. I'd also ask that you please bear with me. There's quite a few points in this post. It will be rather long and hard to follow at times and also rather detailed. I also apologise for the fact that this post is going to be rather emotional and uncomfortable to read.

The reason for the slutwalks is simple. One comment made by a Canadian police officer that women can stay safe by "avoiding dressing like sluts" has sparked a wave of fury among women all across the globe and they have taken to the streets in order to make themselves and their anger known. The views on this topic are very varied, with some outright slamming this police officer and others backing him. Some say he has a point but could have chosen his words better and others will also add their own voices and opinions to the crowd.

The topic is quite simply focusing on rape and sexual assault. Before I get into the various points and different aspects of this topic, I have a story to tell, but before I do, I think it would be important to note that the girl in question is something of a bleeding heart. She cannot see people in pain or angry and not try to help in some way, even if it is simply by adding her own voice to the crowd.

This girl's story really begins when she was 18. As most teenagers are, she was young and rather foolish. A bit of a wild child so to speak. She enjoyed the nightlife and going out clubbing with her friends. I should point out that she didn't sleep around though. She was a party girl, but sleeping around wasn't her thing.

Anyway, her story begins one friday night when she was 18. Dressed in a short skirt that barely covered her tush and a tube top, she met her friends as usual in town ready to hit some bars and nightclubs.

I should point out that over here in the UK, it is legal to drink from the age of 18.

Moving on. She had a pretty normal night by all accounts. She drank, danced, partied and flirted as usual. It was a typical fun night out. It was about 3 in the morning when the group decided to call it a night and go home, all by this point fairly intoxicated by alcohol.

Most of the group took a taxi together leaving two girls alone and no taxi in sight. The two girls briefly debated walking home together but decided against it due to the vast quantities of alcohol that had been consumed. So they waited for the next taxi to show up. When it did they both got in and the taxi took the girls to their first stop. The girl's friend got out, leaving this girl now alone in the taxi. It should also be noted that these rather drunk girls had been openly chatting and flirting with the taxi driver for most of the drive home.

After the girl's friend had left the taxi, the driver invited her to go sit next to him. She did. And continued chatting with him. It wasn't until she realised that the direction they were going wasn't taking her to her home, that she sobered up pretty quickly. She had found herself in a pretty tricky situation that only got trickier when he pulled up in a secluded area and tried to get on top of her.

Glossing over the details of what happened next, this girl's survival instincts kicked in and, putting it bluntly, by kneeing him in the nuts she was able to get away completely unharmed.

By all accounts, regardless of your personal take on things, this girl was extremely fortunate to have escaped unharmed.

Needless to say the whole experience left the girl feeling rather shaken. She didn't know quite what to do with her experience, feeling rather lost and confused. She suffered the standard emotions of asking herself what on earth she had done to deserve this. She didn't feel she could talk to anyone and became a little withdrawn, repeatedly cancelling nights out and refusing to take a taxi, even in broad daylight.

After a while and some research, she finally decided to go to a help group meeting for women who had suffered sexual assault and this would prove to be a turning point in this girl's life. Sitting there and listening to these accounts, the girl found herself feeling odder and odder about the entire situation. When it came to her to share her story, she found she couldn't. She couldn't open her mouth and actually repeat her story. The sheer sympathy from these women was not sitting right with her.

In short, after going to this meeting and listening to these women tell their stories, this young girl left this meeting feeling embarrassed and ashamed. At that specific point though, she wasn't entirely sure why she felt this way. So she did the next logical thing and took to the internet, trying to find more information and others who had been in her situation who could maybe help her with some of the things she was feeling.

She found them, but to her surprise, she found the ones who could shed light on what she was feeling were men, not women. All she heard from women was the same thing over and over, there is no excuse, no woman deserves this, men are evil, etc etc etc. Even from the women who had shared similar experiences to her own, or knew women who had shared these experiences, though some with not quite as fortunate an ending, all painted the woman as the eternal victim. The men however, had quite a different take, a take that is quite simply that there are things you can do to reduce the risk of these situations happening.

She found that she could strike up a conversation with these men and it was during one of these conversations, that this girl hit yet another turning point. He said to her "I hope you know if he had attacked you, it wouldn't have been your fault."

This stopped her dead in her tracks. In fact she had absolutely no idea how to respond to this one simple comment. It went against the very grain of what she was feeling and how these men were responding and viewing these situations. For all intensive purposes, this girl had more or less just accepted that had anything happened, she would have been at fault. This girl needed further clarifying and this would lead to yet another statement that would stay with this girl for years to come.

If you walk into a lion's den, facing down a bunch of hungry lions and holding a slab of raw meat, are you asking to be attacked? Unless you're openly suicidal then no, you're not, but you're also not using much common sense and you're effectively putting yourself into a situation where the chances of being attacked are increased by a huge percentage.

In this girl's scenario, she was the numpty who walked into the lion's den. Was she asking to be attacked? No, she wasn't. Would she have deserved being attacked? No, she wouldn't. Could she have done anything to minimise the risk of finding herself in this specific situation? Let's take a look at the facts.

1: Drunk.
2: Dressed like a slut.
3: Openly flirting with a complete stranger.
4: Alone.

Yes, she could. While women would never admit this, there are things you can do to minimise the risks to yourself. There is a difference between dressing alluringly and sexy and dressing like a slut. There are things that can be done to prevent these situations from arising. You don't have to walk into a den of hungry lions holding a slab of raw meat.

Even without taking these precautions, you can't completely rule out the possibility of ever finding yourself in this situation, but this girl had effectively increased her chances by a huge percentage by making herself an extremely easy target. It now struck this girl that in many instances, these women who frequented these boards, many who who had never been in this kind of specific situation themselves, weren't really listening to what these men were saying. In fact now having more of an understanding, this girl was able to see that in many instances, these men openly rebuked rape or sexual assault of any means. They were openly against it, and weren't of the opinion that it would be the victims fault. Their opinion was that the victim could have perhaps done things to minimise the risk of what happened. Their opinion was that women in general could minimise the risk by not making themselves an easy target or prey. In fact, these men were openly trying to help these women and were being slammed and branded "misogynist" for their efforts.

And yet, it was one of these men specifically who actually turned round to this girl and told her in no uncertain terms, had anything happened, it wouldn't have been her fault. The events leading up to what could have happened, however, there the girl could have used some common sense and even perhaps avoided ending up in this situation in the first place.

Now comes the next part of this story. A few years had passed and it was around this time that this girl discovered that two men in her life had been victims of sexual assault. One had had an encounter and had been fortunate to get away, the other had been sexually abused for an extended period of time.

Now this girl was starting to wonder how common these situations really were. Here we have one girl and this one girl had already faced three counts of sexual assault. One done to her, two done to men in her life. So that's three counts, in her one life.

Armed with this new information, she again took to the internet and found herself actually struggling to find accounts by men on suffering sexual assault and yet this girl was having a hard time believing they were really that uncommon when in her life, she had already been faced with two men who had had these experiences. So she expanded her search and what she found was completely horrifying.

She found many mentions of men, rather bitterly, separating myth from fact. The myth being that only a woman can be sexually assaulted or abused. The fact being that men are also assaulted and raped. Abused by both men and women. The accounts are low for the simple reason that even now, in this day and age, this isn't a point that really gets focused on. Men who suffer this kind of abuse, who are violated and raped are frequently forced to keep quiet about their experiences for a number of reasons.

1: Many women simply refuse to acknowledge this.
2: The courts and government have yet to really acknowledge this as just a common experience as women being assaulted.
3: The false rape claims.

Number 3 is the one that tears into me the most and sets my temper flaring. I'm not entirely sure what these women are hoping to prove by this, punishing men like this, but a rape claim made on a man can destroy that man's life. An innocent man can be condemned by this simple claim and these women take great joy in persecuting men like this. They are in effect "raping" these men's characters and lives and destroying them completely. They are no better, in fact they are worse, than the sexual predators, both male and female, that walk our streets.

I am extremely grateful that in my country, to make a false rape claim is a punishable offence. What I am not grateful for is that many of these women escape jail time by spinning simple yarns that the courts lap up. These women as far as I'm concerned should be locked away. Exposed for the hideous and vile creatures they are.

They not only destroy an innocent man's life, but they also make a mockery of the real victims. Both men and women who have suffered rape and effectively make it harder for the true victims to come forward out of fear that they won't be believed.

These women are ruining lives everywhere and as far as I'm concerned, they should serve life sentences for this. End of argument. I despise these women with a passion and always will.

Fortunately, I can say that there are many women who do share a hatred of these creatures, even if it's for no other reason than making it even harder for a female victim to come forward. It might not be the best reason to loathe these pitiful creatures, but it's a start and hopefully, in time, the courts will learn to come down harder on these women and expose them for what they are.

To get back to my main point. To find information on men who have suffered sexual assault, even via the internet, is difficult to do with all the boards and mentions of women who have suffered sexual assault. And yet, again, here was one girl who had two men in her life who had suffered these experiences. So how many others were out there? How many of us do have men in our lives who have been the victims? And I include the victim of false rape claims to that list because that is as damaging to these men as sexual assault can be.

These slutwalks are in effect, no better than all the points mentioned in this post. They are degrading to men and women. They are offensive and the women taking part should be ashamed of themselves for making a mockery of a very serious issue that effects both men and women on a far more regular basis than we would care to admit.

To reiterate. Yes, there are things we women can do to minimise the risks against us. We can use some damn common sense. No, we are not entirely blameless in finding ourselves in these situations. We don't have to walk around exposing ourself like raw meat to potential sexual predators. No, men who openly state this are not misogynists. They are not openly condoning the act of rape. They are advising caution and showing some sense. No, women should not be allowed to wear what they want, when they want and expect to never find themselves in a specific situation.

And more importantly of all, in this girl's case, just remember one thing. First of all, she was young, she was foolish. She was only 18, so don't judge her too harshly. Second of all, in spite of everything and her experience, it wasn't women who helped her through it or showed her what she needed to see, told her what she needed to hear and at the end of the day, supported her and helped her through a turning point in her life. It wasn't women, it was men. It was men who held her hand and guided her through that tunnel, who helped her see that yes, she was an idiot. Yes, she could have minimised the risk, but no, she wouldn't have been to blame if the act had actually happened. Interesting, no? I certainly think it is.

There is something to be said in that. The first one being that maybe you should listen to what's being said instead of taking to the streets and making a mockery of a very serious issue that affects both men and women alike and possibly, even men and women who are in your life may have had a brush or an experience with this issue.

In short. If you don't act like a slut, you won't get treated as one. And why, in god's name, would we actually want to take back the word slut? It's hardly very flattering. Maybe that has nothing to do with the actual post, but it needed to be said.

Wake up, open your eyes and look around you. This is not something you openly mock like this and you can minimise the risk. So do it. End of argument.

Sami


"Words like feminism or democracy scare me. They are words with barnacles on them, and you can't see what's underneath." ~William Collins~